So yeah, Mike asked me if he can take me to dinner tonight....... Just makes me think of this song: PS, I'm letting him :) (as my awesome mom said, let him buy you dinner then get on the plane, forget about him, and just have fun!)



Katy Perry, Hot n' Cold

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a bitch, I would know
And you overthink
Always speak cryptically
I should know that you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You) But you don't really wanna go
Hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be
Just like twins, so in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout the thing
Now you're plain boring
I should know that you're not gonna change

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You) But you don't really wanna go
Hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of the love bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes....

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You) But you don't really wanna go
Hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
— Bob Marley

This is a song that I performed with the Madrigals in High School.... also Kev and I like to sing it whenever we get together because he knows the tenor, and I know the soprano parts-- pretty dang beautiful! Right now, this song seems to be capturing a lot of how I'm feeling. Basically I've been hurt, quite badly before. And in the end, everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to decide who's worth it. That's where I'm at right now. I know that letting myself continue to "fall" for Mike has the chance of ending in heart ache. However with every minute I spend with him lately I seem to be more and more grateful for him, more and more happy, and the feelings are going deeper and deeper. I see a future that is brighter than I ever imagined for myself. So this is where I'm at. Do I put my heart in his hands? If he chooses to have it, it's his to break. That is a very nerve racking thing for someone who's had relationship problems in the past! (and it's actually the same spot Mike's at). I am not going to rush things, I'm going to wait for MY heart to tell me when I'm ready to take that chance. And when I AM ready to give it completely to him, maybe he'll be ready too. I'm going to enjoy what's in front of me right now... not hold back, but not push. Let it happen :)

I think I'm going to learn how to play it on the piano :)


In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Why is it that my blog always has something to do with a silly boy lately? Oh that's right, because my life revolves around them! I'm trying to find a balance between enjoying dating and getting enough time to myself. I think that may be a big reason that I don't ever seem to be happy with my "romantic" situation. I have to convince myself that I'm happy, but deep down I haven't found that balance yet. Yes, I'm still dating Mike. I adore the heck out of him. But he's a little confused as to what he wants out of dating, as am I. He can't seem to figure out if he wants to date, be friends, or be in a relationship with me. We're currently back in the dating phase of things, which honestly I'm very content with. According to my mom, he is "trigger shy" which does explain a lot about the whole "commitment thing". We're not "serious" with each other though we tend to keep each other occupied enough that we don't really have time to casually date other people. I have a few other men who have asked me out but I just haven't felt up to going out with them, though I know I could if I wanted. It's nice to be able to get to know someone without feeling the pressure a "title" brings. I've never met anyone that I've had this much in common with, or that I could do just about anything with and be happy. This weekend I went out with my new girlfriends on Friday night (dinner and a movie; yay for girls night!) then I went and played video games with Mike and his friends. Saturday we had a shopping adventure where I realized that he freaking likes to shop! How rare is that? We shopped for clothes, dishes, a bed set, and even car oil. I find it fantastic that he can change my oil, actually he was pretty adamant that he change it. That night we went to Sushi and then over to his friends house for games. Sunday he took me to lagoon on a double date... it was such a fun time! I found balance that weekend by calling it a night pretty early on Sunday and heading to my house to play rock band with my new roommate. Normally I would have stayed at Mike's until late, and even though he asked me to stay longer I knew it was better for US if I went home. I'm learning about this dating thing as I go I suppose. When I'm dating someone I tend to rely on them for quite a lot. The key is balance, just like everything else in life. Making sure I get enough "me" time.
I'm learning to be more assertive in life as well. Learning how to go for exactly what I want. Learning to not get walked on. I think a perfect example of this is Tim. I invited him back into my life a few weeks ago because I needed closure on what we went through. Of course he tried to open the door of us dating again however I was very adamant that door could never be opened again. I told him how and why he hurt me, and what I learned from him. However every time he brought up "us" or the possibility of us dating again I was very firm with the fact that I couldn't ever do that. Another example would be my new roommate. She is pulling her life back together after making some bad decisions and so she doesn't have very much of anything. Immediately when she moved in she started eating my food, wearing my clothes, and used up all of my toilet paper. I was strong enough to comminucate with her that that wasn't acceptable, however if she wanted to pay more in rent we could work something out. Normally I would let something like that happen.
I am used to letting other people's decisions drive my life. But I'm learning more and more as I mature that I'm the only driver of my life. That I make the decisions that make up the outcome. I choose who I let in to my life. I choose if I want to see Mike one night or would rather have a night to myself. Just because someone asks or expects something of me doesn't mean I need to do it. I am no one's rug, I am my own person. I will however not let this attitude effect how I show others that I care about them. Or will I let this effect the way I serve my neighbors. That's going to be my next challenge. Once I learn how to be fully assertive, not let that over take my sweet and caring nature. That's just me. I'm the sweetheart. But I can be the sweetheart AND not be the floor mat.
Just random mumblings and thoughts.....

It's been a while so I think I should update my blog. Life is going fantastic! Staying busy, having fun, and learning lessons.
Number one on the list is that I was forced to join my company softball team GRRRRRRR We practiced twice a week all through June and August and our first game was last week. We have been slaughtered two weeks in a row. I play right field, and I'm fairly certain I should just start doing yoga while I'm out there so I'm actually getting SOMETHING done. I don't mean to be a negative nancy, but last night was a tough loss (good thing Mike was at the game and I got to spend time with him afterwords).....
Number two: I have a dear new friend Miranda who has taken me under her wing in my "single" lifestyle. We go out every weekend and meet so many new people! It's always an adventure. Whether it's cliff jumping, boating, or going out we've never NOT had the time of our lives. LOL. It's fun to finally have a girlfriend again!
Number three: Most recent love life interest..... we've only been "dating" for about two weeks but adore the pants outta this guy. He's the biggest sweetheart you'll ever meet and he has a lot of things going for him. This past week we've seen each other every day and tonight he's letting me play on his indoor soccer team! WAHOO!! So it's new, it's fun, we giggle.... a lot. I'm just enjoying the twitterpaited feeling while it lasts :)
So this is my life. Each day is PACKED with things I have going on. Tonight is soccer, tomorrow softball friday is a party and saturday is cliff diving, girls night, then after party.... man.... tough life of a single 23 year old girl :)

So as you all know I've had some serious relationship changes in the past three months. I ended things with my three year long boyfriend and within about a week had started things up with someone new. Yeah, I'd call that a big shift. My mom refers to it as a "rebound" and I do as well.... of sorts. But who's to say that a rebound can't be something more? So let me give you a quick recap of the past two months: Start dating James (cute, fun, smart, VERY positive guy), put him back in the position that Tim was in, because it just seemed natural and what I was used to. RUSHED things. Saw him almost every day. Met his family VERY quickly. Two weeks in, things still going fantastic while I'm healing over Tim. Three weeks in: his little quirks start to annoy me..... REALLY bad. Four weeks in: I put up with them to see where they might go. Five weeks in: starting to get REALLY annoyed with him and try breaking up but let him talk me into sticking it out and working out my own demons while being with him (I have weird control and communication issues that I'm working on). Six weeks in: Head over heels for him, he says he wants to marry me some day. Seven weeks in: Annoys the heck out of me, have another talk where I try to break things off but yet again end up trying to work through them. Eight weeks in: Stay with him because it's his birthday and who would dump a guy on their birthday?! Nine weeks in: I'm grumpy, mean, and just no fun to be around when I'm with him but when I get home I'm back to myself. Decide it really is time to end it after a particularly grumpy camping trip. Today: I've stuck with my decision to be single. He is very hurt that I felt now is the time for me to be single, not in a relationship. We tried doing the friends thing... it worked AWESOME for a week until he started getting jealous about me hanging out with other people. Now he's asked me to just not talk to him anymore while he can detach himself from me (which I completely understand).
So that's where I'm at. Which leaves me asking myself.... what's the point of a relationship anyways? This is not me being bitter, not by any means. I do want to get married and build a family one day. However for me right now in my life I think being single is a FANTASTIC decision. I'm enjoying the attention that I get from men around me. I think I must be putting out an "I'm single come talk to me" vibe because I've never been hit on this much! And again I just stinking love the attention. I've been on two other dates since ending things with James. Both of the guys are extremely cute, athletic, fun, and just fantastic people (and both are rich.... which let's face it... doesn't deter from me being attracted to them). LOL. However both have already asked me out again and seem to really enjoy me. This shouldn't be a bad thing right? I do fully explain before going out with someone that I'm not really looking for anything serious... not closing that door if I do find the right person... however I'm looking to just meet people and have fun. Funny thing is, is that's what I told James as well and he asked me the very first date if he could be more than just a distraction. LOL. So right now I'm just a little frustrated. I seem to connect with people VERY well. However I'm also getting VERY picky. I won't go out with someone who I really don't see things going anywhere. And with both of these recent dates I knew the exact moment when both of them had decided they really liked me. Though I just want to brag about the guy last night..... He didn't try to kiss me!!!!! Although I know for a fact that he wanted to. I dunno, but it impressed me.... I usually feel like the first kiss is pressured on me, but I didn't feel this way at all with Preston. That's why I'm going out with him again sometime this weekend :D Though he did just admit in a text message that he WANTED to kiss me. Man, I'm just LOVING being single right now. Anyways back to my frustration. How come now I'm getting all of this attention? How come I feel that I keep disappointing men because I'm not ready to be in a relationship. Grrrrrr.... How come I had to hurt James...... This is my frustration.... Sad life of a single, 23 year old blond.
PS, James just text me wanting to talk tonight... I wonder what he has decided as far as the staying friends thing goes....

Airbrush Tattoo

Bella, James, and I hiking

My new bike

My new hair (I took this picture yesterday this is my most current)

It's just barely summer and I'm already sportin a flip flop tan line! WAHOO! I've been keepin busy like mad, and I'm lovin it! I bought myself a new bicycle because I've been wanting to get into it for a while. I got a Specialized ariel sport, which is at about an intermediate range. It's a hybrid, so light enough to go on the road, and sturdy enough to take on the trails. So far I've been exploring the pathways that who would have thought it were right outside of my door. I guess I'm at the junction of the Ogden River and the Weber River, and BOTH have awesome paved pathways with beautiful routes around them. This also means that I'm connected to the city without having to ride on the road yet. I'll be honest, I'm not confident and road savy enough to compete with cars yet so I'm glad I've found these pathways. They add a few extra miles on the routes, but the beauty and safety are worth it! One goes over to riverdale, which is where most of the stores I shop are, one goes out to West Haven, and the other goes up the Ogden River to the Canyon, and who's on the other end of this parkway? Yep! James!! I can ride my bike to his house along the pathway, cool beans I must say! I've decided that I'm going to try to drive my car around the city as little as I can, basically only driving to work. I'm even going to start riding to Yoga next week after I get just a tad more experience of road driving. That means that on Monday, Wednesday, Thursdays, and Saturday I go to the gym for Yoga and Zumba and on Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday James and I will be biking around! I can not WAIT for those biker legs!
I've started a new diet/lifestyle that I describe on my other blog. So far, so good! It's based on finding a balance with your food, everything in life is categorized as yin or yang, and finding a balance is what creates a long and healthy life. There are many cancer patients who actually use this diet in means to help support their treatments. It consists mostly of plants, like whole wheat, brown rice, buckwheat, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and the occasional fish (shrimp SOMETIMES). I've been doing it for two solid weeks now, embarking on my third and I'm really enjoying it. I'm down to my lowest weight yet, and when I went to try on pants at the store I actually fit into size 5's.... that is a freaking size 5!!! Yeah I was excited. I'm finding however that I'm needing to up my food intake to keep up with my new more active lifestyle. It's all good, I've perfected vegetable fried rice, buckwheat noodle stir fry, and miso soup. I'll sometimes sneak the occasional organic Ogden grown eggs in my diet, but I keep those at a minimum. All in all, I'm pretty happy with this lifestyle and feel it's a good choice for me right now. Though I'll be honest... I miss my chicken breasts, but not as much as I once did!
So this is what I've been up to for the summer so far. Picnics, hikes, bike rides, kite-flying, and just having a good time. I must say it's really nice to have someone in my life that actually helps me and pushes me to get out and be active. Upcoming plans for the summer include: James's birthday this weekend where he's going to take home his brand new Harley Davidson, Boating with my daddy this coming Monday, Lagoon with my work, camping with friends, and lots and lots of bike riding! Man, I love me some summer fun!

Balance

This is the first thing that popped into my head this morning heading into work. I am ready to start the work week again, grateful for the weekend. I'm excited to go to the gym tonight, excited for this week. I feel in balance. My life had been seriously void of this. I'm rejuvenated and feel that I'm ready to take on work, and perform at the best of my abilities. And I'm ready to appreciate the positives that life has to offer me right now.

I had a fantastic weekend! It started off Friday night getting my favorite chinese food (oh yum), then I went to listen to an album debut with friends, however one of my friends forgot his current license and so they wouldn't let us in. We then decided to go to Piper Down, pretty much the funnest pub in Salt Lake. We had such a blast!

Saturday Miranda came up to my house because she left some stuff in my car and ended up coming with James (my new interest) and I to his roommate's BBQ, which was a blast! I had THE BEST homemade strawberry shortcake and strawberry icecream. After that we went on a hike and then went and played disc golf. That is so much fun! There's a course in Riverdale that is by the river, and a wooded area. After golf, we went and had another BBQ and ended the night off in a hot tub with himalyan salts in it to sooth our muscles.

Sunday is my day of rest. I spent the day sleeping in, got up around noon and went to lunch with James at his restaurant (he's a server at Chili's). After that we did a little shopping. He went disc golfing with the guys so I had a girls night with Bella (yeah I'm lame for having a girls night with my dog). He came back by after golf and brought me some thai pizza from the Pie (oh my goodness yummy).

All in all I had a well balanced, perfect weekend. Life is going fantastic, I feel so alive!

I do believe that this is one of the most songs to sing to as loud as you possibly can in your car. But the lyrics never hit home really until this morning. I emphasized the lines that most particularly pertain to me... I love you the empowered Kelly Clarkson!

"Breakaway"

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway



*******Sigh********

Going through this experience, I've learned quite a few things about myself and relationships.
#1. I bend over and let MY opinions and hobbies die, while taking on the opinions and hobbies of my significant other. I let myself roll over and get controlled like that. Well I USED to. I'm getting better at standing up for myself and standing up for all of those qualities that make me who I am. No more adopting beliefs and hobbies unless I really REALLY enjoy them.
#2. Love is patience, kindness, honesty, laughs, and companionship.
#3. I don't trust myself. I knew after dating him for just three months that he and I wouldn't work out in the end. Deep down I knew. But I pushed that aside and gave us more of a chance. I honestly knew it, I remember having a conversation to my friends about it. Why didn't I trust my gut instinct? I'm working on trusting myself more.
#4. The people important in my life are smart and give good advice. I never listened to it, I'd just brush it aside. I thought that I had burned many bridges with my friends because of my actions however I'm finding that they were just waiting for me to pull my head out and have welcomed me back with open arms. I need to trust their opinions more!
#5. I have learned patience! In some aspects I still have none, however I've learned to let things go, be patient, and just worry about what really matters.
#6. I've been learning what it takes to have a SUCCESSFUL relationship. Well I guess learning what it takes to have an UNHEALTHY relationship-- but that just reiterates to me what a success is comprised of.
#7. All of my friends are happily married, so if they found someone why in the heck can't I?
#8. I've got to do things for myself sometimes. It's fantastic spending time with my significant other, however I've got to get out and do things for me!
#9. I need someone in a relationship that values family, and has principles and morals. Someone that my family actually LIKES instead of just deals with. I've realized that I don't NEED flowers however I WANT flowers. I want to be told that I am a unique and beautiful person. I need that affirmation.
#10. I need to also SHARE hobbies with my significant other. I actually like being active, going out and doing things and that's what makes me happy.
#11. I LOVE to travel and sing, and I've let my passion for those two die. I need to work on finding what sets me free and go with it!

I'm sure there is so much more that I've learned from everything, however these are the main things for now. I'm working on growing as a person again and finding who I was/am.

Things are changing in my life. Everything for the better. Thank you all of my family and friends for your support in making a very important decision. I realized that the relationship I was in just wasn't working, and even though it was one of the hardest things I've done, I ended it on Friday. Things have been very hard, and I've been pretty emotional, but that can be expected after a 3 year relationship.
I'm excited to move on in my life! All sorts of doors are opening for me, doors that I had closed off to myself if I would have stayed in the same situation. I will not ever forget the past three years, the bond that I developed, or the memories. It's something that will always be with me.
Soooooooo I need to go out and make friends and start NEW relationships with people. I think that I may join an indoor soccer league up here, however I'm putting the word out that I am available to be set up should anyone feel they would like to introduce me to people hint hint. I'm trying to find distractions to keep my mind off of the hurt and pain I feel while time heals my wounds. I'll move on and become a stronger person, there's no way I can't!
So once again thank you to my family for their support, and to my girlfriends for showing me an amazing time this weekend. You guys really are so awesome!

CARPE DIEM!!

I've finally found some free time to sit down and journal what has transpired in my life for the past month or so. I've been a very busy girl! I'll start with the first (and my most favorite) event...

Aleta's Bachelorette Party!!!

Our little Aleta is growing up! She met a wonderful man last year and they decided to make it official. For her bachelorette party we went up to Park City. Stayed the night in a hotel, and went shopping the next day. How could this NOT be five girls perfect weekend? Spending time with four of my absolutely most favoritest people in the world AND Park City?! Yeah I was in heaven. So we started the night off by trying to find an outfit that would embarrass Aleta-- you know possibly a crown or a boa, that sorta thing. We made our way to the Park City Walmart-- and despite being in Park City this was one of the trashiest Walmarts I've been to in a long time (odd right?) But that's beside the point! They did have what we needed. We scoured the isles trying to find something that would work. When we ended up in the barbie isle, we knew we had found the right outfit. Ages 3 and up? Yeah, we'd take our chances this would fit her. We hadn't even gotten to the car when the package had been torn open and was being put on Aleta-- who I might add was quite the sport and was actually SUPPORTIVE of her new attire. Words can not describe the awesomeness of this outfit, hopefully this picture can do it a little justice.

Now, Aleta had clothes on UNDERNEATH when we went to dinner, however she gave us a show at our hotel room that night. On to dinner: We decided to try something fun in historic Park City. We chose a pizza/italian parlor called Fuego's (or somethin like that). The food was most excellent. They kicked butt at my salad, AND the pizza was some of the best I've had. HOWEVER their service was horrible-- comparable to even AppleBee's service!! Despite them not saying a word about Aleta's attire, we still enjoyed ourselves.
Aleta and Amber

Lyndsey and I

BreAnn and Amber
After dinner we mad our way back to the hotel and decided to go swimming in their pool/hot tub. It was non-eventful (minus eyebrow boy) however very relaxing.


While at Walmart we had purchased a few "treats" to give us energy and to snack on. We had plans up staying up all night! Come midnight, things had changed... two of us were already asleep and the rest were well on their way. We had an interesting night of people snoring, talking in their sleep, and just plain awkwardness (which with us is normal and to be expected). Half of us woke up early the next day and wanted to get the day going-- we just had to convince the other half that 8 o'clock was normal. We had breakfast at the hotel and made our way back to historic Main Street in Park City. We did a lot of window shopping, I think I was the only person who bought something-- and it was a hat. We still had quite a good time though checking out the pet store with collars that were over $100 and the museums we weren't allowed to take pictures in....

Lyndsey

BreAnn lookin mighty fine in her hat

How can you NOT try on hats like that?!
We made our way to the outlet malls after our adventure on Main Street. Is it odd that most of our time was spent at the animal shelter there looking at dogs and even taking one for a walk? With us? No way. We met in the Vet Tech class, it wouldn't be normal if we DIDN'T spend that much time at the shelter. After shopping we found ourselves pretty hungry. Driving around Kimbal Junction we couldn't make up our minds of where we wanted to eat-- good thing they had a Cafe Rio-- who could resist that? Yummmm pork salad.
I just wanted to say to these girls thank you so much for the great weekend, I know that I can ALWAYS count on you guys to make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and just forget about all of the stresses that life brings. I know that we'll always stay close, and I'm so grateful for your friendship. I love you guys!

Aleta's Wedding!!!
The big day came, and I'm glad that I was able to be at the Draper Temple when Aleta and her new husband Paul came out. She looked absolutely stunning, and so happy! After pictures Tim, Taylor and I headed to go to lunch GOLDEN TREE. I was in Riverton-- how could I NOT go to Golden Tree. It was to die for (as usual!), I'm glad that Tim puts up with me because I make him go there with me any chance I can get! After lunch we went and hung out at my parents house while we waited for the reception. It was really nice for my mom to be able to see a side of Taylor that she never gets to see. He was his normal self, doing the robot, talking about his pink pet guinea pigs (imaginary), and just being a ham! When we're usually there he is VERY shy and I don't recall him saying an entire sentence, however my Mom was able to see my little chatterbox who keeps me on my toes. Thanks Mom and Dad for putting up with us for a few hours!
We left my parents to go to the reception at Millennial Falls. BreAnn had just gotten there, and Lyndsey was right behind us. Aleta looked gorgeous once again. The reception was one of the nicest I've been to in a long long time. It wasn't busy. It wasn't crowded. They didn't invite whoever, they invited those who truly cared. I was able to actually TALK to Aleta and Paul, unlike most receptions where you rush through the line, get your food and that's it.

Now we DID rush to get our food-- because it was catered by COLD STONE!! Best idea ever Aleta. It was just plain awesome. We decided to go outside and have a look around. It turns out the backyard was GORGEOUS and made some really good photo ops. Yay for Lyndsey who's prepared with her camera!


Two of my favorite girls.
Aleta's wedding was a success. I'm glad I got to spend so much time with my favorite people AGAIN. I hope I don't have to wait for another wedding to get to see these girls!

Business Trip to North Dakota
We have recently been making a lot of changes to our North Dakota office/area. I was asked to spend a week out there to hire/train a new administrative assistant. I flew out on a Sunday (got to fly in the tiniest plane- a total of 21 seats) to Williston North Dakota. Ron picked me up from the airport at ten that night and we headed back to the house/office. I met a few of the technicians and then I went to bed. Williston is in the middle of an oil boom, and hotels are booked through the end of June- so that means that I got to stay in our office trailer right across from the house. All I need to say is that it felt like I was camping the entire week. On Monday morning I woke up ready to take on the task ahead of me. I had been doing phone interviews the week before and had narrowed my search down into six potential candidates. I had interviews all day, and between the interviews I had to reorganize the office and dispatch the guys PLUS try to do all of my usual work load back in Utah. I was pretty dang busy. I had a total of 84 hours for that week. My last interview of the day I was able to find someone I had a strong feeling about. I hired her and she began the very next day. I know that I made the right decision! She is 10 times better than the other secretarie's we've had over there. I trust her as well, heck it's my name on the line! So she and I worked hard that week to pull the office back together, track down things that had been missing, organize, and re-organize. It was almost like starting from scratch out there because the previous secretary had a system in place- however it was not working. We had rig calls like CRAZY, I was able to get to know my technicians out there, and I can honestly say I loved the work.

The Missouri River (this is the view from the office trailer)

All of the work trucks ready to start the day

Our Rig map
One night before I was getting ready to head to town, one of my technicians asked if I wanted to go out on a rig. UMMMM HECK YES! I had to go buy PPE (personal protective equipment) which consisted of brown boots and gloves. My tech didn't understand why I didn't have any closed two shoes with me, only flip flops. I went to Walmart and bought some little boy shoes for $4.00. I was SUPPOSED to have steal toe boots, however Rich said just as long as I had boots on that LOOKED like they could be the proper PPE I'd be fine. So equipped with my new boots I headed out to the rig. It was only about 20 minutes from our house there. I drove on County Road 10 to Nabors Rig 254. This rig was in the "rigging up" stage where it hadn't quite started to drill however everything was basically ready to go. Rich took me on quite the extensive tour. We went to the Derrick floor, the cellar, the SCR room, Mud Pump room, and all of the other components that make up an oil rig. It was better than any documentary I've seen on the history channel. I learned SO much! Really it was one of the coolest experiences of my life.
I headed back home EXHAUSTED. Tim picked me up from the airport around 11 on Saturday and I ended up sleeping almost that entire day. I missed my little family quite a bit while I was gone, however I was so busy I didn't even have time to realize just how much I missed them!

This is the oil rig I was out on

So this has been my life as or recent. I've decided that this bi-polar weather is confusing me. Other than that, I can not wait until summer, when it decides to actually come!

Just so ya'll know, I've created a new blog that is as I like to call it "a feel good blog". As you all know, I'm not a shy person. I LOVE talking about myself. However one thing I love more is giving to others. As I've gone through my weight loss journey, I've learned a few things that I want to share with others. I have also been learning more and more each day through different means. In my new blog I will be doing posts regarding healthy mind, body, and soul. I invite all of you to take a look to see what it is all about. Thanks for letting me stand on TWO soap boxes now!

So! I want to start this blog off as a story. Once upon a time there was a little girl. She was the youngest of a family of 5 siblings. All growing up she was a little "round". When you're 8 years old though, no one cares how much you weigh, children don't make fun. However once you hit 10 years old, that's when things start to change. The other children made fun of her because she was the "fat girl". She matured very early and this just made things worse. The boys would snicker behind her back, and she began to feel envious of all of the other little girls. Middle school came, and along with it came severe depression and a realization of what society expects of women. Her girlfriends were all so pretty, SO skinny, the boys loved them, but this little girl was never given any attention. She went through middle school loathing herself. High school came and she began accepting her own skin. She still didn't get attention from any of the boys, however she didn't care as much. Of course it hurt because all of her friends had boyfriends and she was constantly the third wheel- but she had things going for her in OTHER areas. She excelled in school, she loved the hard work, got good grades and learned that there is more to people then looks. Sure, good looks will get you so far, but your brain carries you the rest of the way. She still though could never shake the loathing of her own body. She did learn to hide it quite well, and to not think about it, but it was always there. After high school she went out to face the world. She could take on anything! She moved out and got a full time job. She began horrible eating habits. Eating out at LEAST once a day, sometimes twice. She wasn't as active as she was in high school. No soccer, no aerobics, just eating out an watching TV. She quickly gained more weight- but refused to see it. When she looked in the mirror she didn't see a fat person, she saw who she was on the inside. She met a young man who treated her like she deserved. Who never treated her like the fat girl like everyone else had. He loved her. She bought a house, bought a dog, and got a new job. She started becoming more active, and started eating out less and less. She quickly lost 10 pounds without even trying! She noticed how good it felt to LOSE weight instead of GAIN weight. Over the summer she had heard of people doing a new diet. One of her co-workers told her about it, and said she was going to do it. This girl had tried working out at the gym, tried eating right, but she could never stick to anything longer than a week. So she thought, why not try this fad diet, see where it takes me........
She started the diet weighing 193 lbs. She went on this diet for 48 days, had some struggles, but stuck to it. She ended up weighing 156lbs! Wow!!! She had really just lost almost 40 lbs. The people in her life were so excited!! She looked fantastic! She decided to take a break for the holidays, eat right, exercise but made a goal to not gain one oz back-- and she didn't. After her 23rd birthday, she started poor eating habits again. She began eating out frequently, and had birthday cake almost every night! She had lost a little weight since stopping the fad diet, but had gained it back after the birthday. She decided to do the fad diet one last time to see how low she could get. She did it for 26 days this time, did not have very many slip ups, and had a great success. She lost another 25 lbs!!!! She was no longer the fat girl! She felt GOOD in her skin. She didn't just accept herself, she felt GOOD with who she is. She has been dealing with the feelings of self hate that have been inside of her her entire life. It is hard to change who a person is-- but it is possible. The physical outside now matches the emotional inside!
So as you've guessed, this story is about me. Losing weight is MORE than just changing your physical appearance. It's dealing with feelings, thoughts, and ideas that you have had your entire life. It's developing a HEALTHY relationship with food, and your body. It's appreciating what everyone else takes for granted. It's re-teaching yourself how to love yourself, how to accept your flaws and just be happy with who you are. So...... here are some pictures of the "new" me. And here are my FINAL stats:

Day:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The first day of the rest of my life (cliche I know)
Beginning weight::::::::::::::::::::::205
Current weight:::::::::::::::::::::::::130
Weight loss this round:::::::::::::::-25
Weight loss total:::::::::::::::::::::::-75 freaking pounds!!

Measurements:
Bust: Was: 43inches Now: 34inches (-10in)
Waist: Was: 41inches Now: 27inches (-14in)
Hip: Was: 46inches Now: 36inches (-10in)
Belly: Was: 43inches Now: 32inches (-10in)
Thigh: Was: 24inches Now: 16.5inches (-7.5in)
Bicep: Was: 14inches Now: 10inches (-4in)

So technically Friday was my last day on the 500C diet, and this weekend was just FANTASTIC! I will be putting together a summary with pictures, pounds lost, inches lost etc of the whole experience so I won't bore you right now. Just know that I hit my goal of 130lbs!!!! I'm workin on a finding a camera that actually works-- but we're moving back home this Wednesday so I don't foresee anything happening really before then. I will tell you that my final results and how much I've lost is incredible to me-- I never thought I'd make it but I did! So watch back in a week or so, good things will come!

So here I am on my final week of HCG. I Must say that I had quite the loss last week. This round has been easier than the first, and I find myself with better results! I have to admit though I have been getting light headed and dizzy quite often, which I know 100% is the diet. I just don't eat ENOUGH. I skip meals all the time and usually only eat about 150-250 calories a day. I'm pretty glad that this is my last week on the diet. It's getting to the point where I feel I need to cheat. BUT I'm not going to, because I can have a pb&j this sunday and I am soooo beyond excited for that! I found my Julian bread (net gram carb 1 per slice) here locally at an even better price then I got it for on the internet! This Saturday I start the low carb part of the diet.... just in time for St. Patty's day-- I have a fantastic new recipe for corned beef and cabbage! Wahoo!!
Here is the best news. Saturday I was feelin grumpy so I decided to go try on some clothes. I went to Kohl's and they were having some killer deals (I mean KILLER deals). I ended up taking home two shirts (size MEDIUM) a jacket (size MEDIUM) and 2 pairs of shorts (SIZE 7 BABY!!!). These were in the junior section, so I know for a fact if I tried on misses I'd be a size 6, and still medium. But with one week left on the diet, and then the gym afterwards I know I'll be at LEAST a size 6-- possibly even a 4. Who woulda thunk that size 16/18 Amanda would work her way down to a size 4/6?! I'm glad I had enough motivation in me to see it!!


Day:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::21
Beginning weight::::::::::::::::::::::156
Current weight:::::::::::::::::::::::::133.6
Weight loss this round:::::::::::::::-22.4
Weight loss total:::::::::::::::::::::::-71.6lbs (wahoo, that's a lot!!)

So I thought I'd do a quick little update of where I'm at. I had a fantastic week as far as weight loss goes, but a horribly slow weekend. I did an experiment this time.... I started my period on Tuesday and decided to stop taking HCG while on it. Thursday woke up at .8 loss. Friday woke up at 1.2 loss. Saturday woke up with .6, Sunday .0, and Today was .4........... I started taking the HCG again yesterday and it takes 2 days to get in your system, so I guess we'll see how I rebound from it. I believe the slow loss may be due to my period, and the lack of HCG in my system. I'm still doing fantastic on the diet, I'm at the point where it is feeling good still, however I know in two-three more weeks of it I would not be feeling this way. I'm keeping my options open more this time around. I made the most delicious shrimp asparagus stir-fry this week, and some yummy chicken nuggets. I made it through a wedding AND a baby shower without a gain! WAHOO!. I have a feeling that I'm not a size 8 in pants but I have yet to go try some one. I'll do that sometime this week! I have read all sorts of reports on this "fad" diet. And yes I do believe it is a fad diet, however I've lost 52 lbs on this "fad diet" and believe that whether or not the HCG is really effective, it is still working. AND it has taught me so much about my relationship to food. The thing about most fad diets is you lose 25 or so pounds, go a month or two, and it comes back. I started in July of last year and I have not gained an ounce back. I do believe that there are HEALTHIER ways to lose weight. However I could never succeed with those ways because I never would dedicate myself like I do to this. I never saw such fast results, never re-taught myself how to eat. So all in all, I believe I have been a success on HCG. So that's my little tangent for the day! Here are my stats!

Day:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::14
Beginning weight::::::::::::::::::::::156
Current weight:::::::::::::::::::::::::141.0
Weight loss this round:::::::::::::::-15
Weight loss total:::::::::::::::::::::::-64.0lbs (wahoo!!)

I wanted to start documenting my HCG journey again, because it helped me in my first round bring everything into perspective, and keep a good dairy of my journey. I decided to do HCG again because of something my sister said... When she asked if I was still wanting to lose weight, I responded no, and she said "why not, no one said I could lose it, but I did". So I thought..... WHY NOT. I had lost about 10 pounds in November because I was sick so often, and I was going to the gym. I managed to keep that off through the holidays, but I was thinking that I was invincible, and began eating VERY VERY poorly. I mean when it was my birthday I had birthday cake and ice cream EVERY night (not a wise decision) and I began eating out almost five times a week (again not a wise decision). I had almost gained all of the weight I lost AFTER HCG back. So I decided to try HCG again to lose that, PLUS some. My ultimate goal is to wear a bikini come summer, and not just wear a bikini, but look damn good in it.
So I started HCG again on February 13, using that saturday and sunday as my load days. I went all out, I even had golden tree as my final meal! I had gone up to 159 pounds with all of the loading (It was hard to be okay with that), but I started the 500 C a day diet on Monday, and come Tuesday morning I had almost lost 5 pounds... CRAZY! I've been stickin to the diet now for an entire week. So far I'm now at my lowest weight since I can seriously remember-- maybe since like elementary school? I'm keeping motivated by using the tricks I used last time, plus incorporating a few new things in. Like tonight I'm making shrimp stir fry with asparagus, I used to HATE shrimp-- but now I'll try it! I'm eating more green beans, and veggies I hadn't even tried before. I'm keeping my chicken exciting with new recipes, not just grilling it and eating broccoli. In fact, I still can't eat broccoli, it just makes me sick to think of. LOL. I had given myself enough of a break (4-5 months after stopping hcg) that I think I am doing well and I'm ready. I'm doing a much shorter round this time, since I have MUCH less weight to lose. I did 51 days total last time, I'm pushing myself to 26 this time, or until my HCG runs out-- which should be right around there. My ultimate goal is now 130-135-- I once said it was 150, but I've reached that, then I changed it to 140-- but I know I can do more. WHY NOT. I've always wanted to be healthy, and have one of those little waists that I've been envious of my entire life. I'm no longer the fat girl, but I still have mountains to move to reach where I'd like to be.
I still have 14ish days left on the diet, and 10-15 pounds to go! I know though if I don't reach it with HCG that I can reach it afterwards. After all, I did lose 10 pounds on my very own! So here are my stats!

Day:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8
Beginning weight::::::::::::::::::::::156
Current weight:::::::::::::::::::::::::145.6
Weight loss this round:::::::::::::::-10.4
Weight loss total:::::::::::::::::::::::-59.4lbs (wahoo!!)

So it seemed like this year I had two weeks devoted to me, and if you know me this meant I was in Heaven! I hate to admit it, but I love attention- it's that simple! My birthday celebration started off with a delightful evening of five of my very favorite people-- Tim, Taylor, BreAnn, Aleta, and Lyndsey. This night would be fantastic if it were just us four girls sitting around doing nothing, however we (I) decided to go ice skating! I hadn't been in YEARS. I'm proud to admit that I only fell once! It happened with me wanting to "show off"-- I guess I'm just not as good as I thought! Tim and Taylor watched the show in the stands, and were very good guardians of our shoes (Thanks Tim!!!) After ice skating, we made our way back to my house. Tim had made my very favorite cake (funfettie cake, with funfettie frosting-- YUM). He even got icing to decorate the cake. Aleta and Lynds helped Tim out with the decorations. My cake ended up saying "I heart b-days, and U". It also had stitches on it where the frosting wouldn't stick. The cake was BEAUTIFUL. Thanks so much to my bestest friends for coming up and putting up with me!
The next day (Sunday) was my birthday dinner at my parents. My mom made me cheesy potatoes (YUMMM) and my dad made BBQ chicken. It was quite tasty, and the cinnamon rolls for dessert were just awesome! Thanks ma and pa for that!
Three days later (Wednesday) was my REAL birthday. My co-workers got me a super cute balloon and birthday card, along with krispy kream doughnuts for breakfast! They TRIED to get me a cake, but I left work a little too early for that! I decided that it was time for a change... and I chopped my hair off! About 14 inches total I think. I donated it to locks of love, and said a fond farewell to my hairstyle of the past eight years! Of course I had to go down to SunKissed to get my hair done which meant I got to spend the rest of the day in Riverton! Tim was able to get out of work early too, so he came with me. After my new do, we went to see Avatar in 3-D! Man that was a great show, but it ended up eating the rest of the day! We stopped at my mom's to say hello and then made our way to Golden Tree for my traditional Birthday Feast. We eventually ended up home around 8pm with Bella quite upset with us for leaving her alone for 12 hours (oh she got over it).
Tim was waiting to do presents until we got Taylor on Saturday. But when Saturday came it was well worth the wait! Tim got me a wok!!! (YES), towels that match my bathroom decor, high thread count sheets, and a few of my favorite treats. He definitely spoils me! That night we went to his parents to have dinner and just spend time with his Mom and Jim (his step dad) before they go to Thailand.
On the Thailand note, Tim's mom is from Thailand and tries to go back often. She has just recently became a full American Citizen, so she had to get her passport to go back (ironic?). Jim and Tim's mom leave this Friday for 6 weeks. They'll be going all over Thailand, and I'm very envious because they're ending their trip on a beach in a bungalow. While they're gone, Tim and I get to house sit. Tim's mom has about 9 cats (we think, she takes care of strays around the neighborhood) so she wants Tim to live there for the whole six weeks! I'll be going back and forth between my house and Tim's mom's. But I do have plans to re-crate train Bella. She's been spoiled and has been sleeping on my bed but I don't want that to continue-- it's just that every time I try to re-crate train her she makes the loudest most horrible noises and I can't have that in my townhouse, or with my roommate. So I'll be re-crate training her during the day at Tim's mom's house which has NO close neighbors... just cats.
This is a good summary of my life recently. I can not WAIT for warm weather and sunshine, I've got the winter blues!