The "Sweetheart"

Why is it that my blog always has something to do with a silly boy lately? Oh that's right, because my life revolves around them! I'm trying to find a balance between enjoying dating and getting enough time to myself. I think that may be a big reason that I don't ever seem to be happy with my "romantic" situation. I have to convince myself that I'm happy, but deep down I haven't found that balance yet. Yes, I'm still dating Mike. I adore the heck out of him. But he's a little confused as to what he wants out of dating, as am I. He can't seem to figure out if he wants to date, be friends, or be in a relationship with me. We're currently back in the dating phase of things, which honestly I'm very content with. According to my mom, he is "trigger shy" which does explain a lot about the whole "commitment thing". We're not "serious" with each other though we tend to keep each other occupied enough that we don't really have time to casually date other people. I have a few other men who have asked me out but I just haven't felt up to going out with them, though I know I could if I wanted. It's nice to be able to get to know someone without feeling the pressure a "title" brings. I've never met anyone that I've had this much in common with, or that I could do just about anything with and be happy. This weekend I went out with my new girlfriends on Friday night (dinner and a movie; yay for girls night!) then I went and played video games with Mike and his friends. Saturday we had a shopping adventure where I realized that he freaking likes to shop! How rare is that? We shopped for clothes, dishes, a bed set, and even car oil. I find it fantastic that he can change my oil, actually he was pretty adamant that he change it. That night we went to Sushi and then over to his friends house for games. Sunday he took me to lagoon on a double date... it was such a fun time! I found balance that weekend by calling it a night pretty early on Sunday and heading to my house to play rock band with my new roommate. Normally I would have stayed at Mike's until late, and even though he asked me to stay longer I knew it was better for US if I went home. I'm learning about this dating thing as I go I suppose. When I'm dating someone I tend to rely on them for quite a lot. The key is balance, just like everything else in life. Making sure I get enough "me" time.
I'm learning to be more assertive in life as well. Learning how to go for exactly what I want. Learning to not get walked on. I think a perfect example of this is Tim. I invited him back into my life a few weeks ago because I needed closure on what we went through. Of course he tried to open the door of us dating again however I was very adamant that door could never be opened again. I told him how and why he hurt me, and what I learned from him. However every time he brought up "us" or the possibility of us dating again I was very firm with the fact that I couldn't ever do that. Another example would be my new roommate. She is pulling her life back together after making some bad decisions and so she doesn't have very much of anything. Immediately when she moved in she started eating my food, wearing my clothes, and used up all of my toilet paper. I was strong enough to comminucate with her that that wasn't acceptable, however if she wanted to pay more in rent we could work something out. Normally I would let something like that happen.
I am used to letting other people's decisions drive my life. But I'm learning more and more as I mature that I'm the only driver of my life. That I make the decisions that make up the outcome. I choose who I let in to my life. I choose if I want to see Mike one night or would rather have a night to myself. Just because someone asks or expects something of me doesn't mean I need to do it. I am no one's rug, I am my own person. I will however not let this attitude effect how I show others that I care about them. Or will I let this effect the way I serve my neighbors. That's going to be my next challenge. Once I learn how to be fully assertive, not let that over take my sweet and caring nature. That's just me. I'm the sweetheart. But I can be the sweetheart AND not be the floor mat.
Just random mumblings and thoughts.....