Balance

This is the first thing that popped into my head this morning heading into work. I am ready to start the work week again, grateful for the weekend. I'm excited to go to the gym tonight, excited for this week. I feel in balance. My life had been seriously void of this. I'm rejuvenated and feel that I'm ready to take on work, and perform at the best of my abilities. And I'm ready to appreciate the positives that life has to offer me right now.

I had a fantastic weekend! It started off Friday night getting my favorite chinese food (oh yum), then I went to listen to an album debut with friends, however one of my friends forgot his current license and so they wouldn't let us in. We then decided to go to Piper Down, pretty much the funnest pub in Salt Lake. We had such a blast!

Saturday Miranda came up to my house because she left some stuff in my car and ended up coming with James (my new interest) and I to his roommate's BBQ, which was a blast! I had THE BEST homemade strawberry shortcake and strawberry icecream. After that we went on a hike and then went and played disc golf. That is so much fun! There's a course in Riverdale that is by the river, and a wooded area. After golf, we went and had another BBQ and ended the night off in a hot tub with himalyan salts in it to sooth our muscles.

Sunday is my day of rest. I spent the day sleeping in, got up around noon and went to lunch with James at his restaurant (he's a server at Chili's). After that we did a little shopping. He went disc golfing with the guys so I had a girls night with Bella (yeah I'm lame for having a girls night with my dog). He came back by after golf and brought me some thai pizza from the Pie (oh my goodness yummy).

All in all I had a well balanced, perfect weekend. Life is going fantastic, I feel so alive!

I do believe that this is one of the most songs to sing to as loud as you possibly can in your car. But the lyrics never hit home really until this morning. I emphasized the lines that most particularly pertain to me... I love you the empowered Kelly Clarkson!

"Breakaway"

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway



*******Sigh********

Going through this experience, I've learned quite a few things about myself and relationships.
#1. I bend over and let MY opinions and hobbies die, while taking on the opinions and hobbies of my significant other. I let myself roll over and get controlled like that. Well I USED to. I'm getting better at standing up for myself and standing up for all of those qualities that make me who I am. No more adopting beliefs and hobbies unless I really REALLY enjoy them.
#2. Love is patience, kindness, honesty, laughs, and companionship.
#3. I don't trust myself. I knew after dating him for just three months that he and I wouldn't work out in the end. Deep down I knew. But I pushed that aside and gave us more of a chance. I honestly knew it, I remember having a conversation to my friends about it. Why didn't I trust my gut instinct? I'm working on trusting myself more.
#4. The people important in my life are smart and give good advice. I never listened to it, I'd just brush it aside. I thought that I had burned many bridges with my friends because of my actions however I'm finding that they were just waiting for me to pull my head out and have welcomed me back with open arms. I need to trust their opinions more!
#5. I have learned patience! In some aspects I still have none, however I've learned to let things go, be patient, and just worry about what really matters.
#6. I've been learning what it takes to have a SUCCESSFUL relationship. Well I guess learning what it takes to have an UNHEALTHY relationship-- but that just reiterates to me what a success is comprised of.
#7. All of my friends are happily married, so if they found someone why in the heck can't I?
#8. I've got to do things for myself sometimes. It's fantastic spending time with my significant other, however I've got to get out and do things for me!
#9. I need someone in a relationship that values family, and has principles and morals. Someone that my family actually LIKES instead of just deals with. I've realized that I don't NEED flowers however I WANT flowers. I want to be told that I am a unique and beautiful person. I need that affirmation.
#10. I need to also SHARE hobbies with my significant other. I actually like being active, going out and doing things and that's what makes me happy.
#11. I LOVE to travel and sing, and I've let my passion for those two die. I need to work on finding what sets me free and go with it!

I'm sure there is so much more that I've learned from everything, however these are the main things for now. I'm working on growing as a person again and finding who I was/am.

Things are changing in my life. Everything for the better. Thank you all of my family and friends for your support in making a very important decision. I realized that the relationship I was in just wasn't working, and even though it was one of the hardest things I've done, I ended it on Friday. Things have been very hard, and I've been pretty emotional, but that can be expected after a 3 year relationship.
I'm excited to move on in my life! All sorts of doors are opening for me, doors that I had closed off to myself if I would have stayed in the same situation. I will not ever forget the past three years, the bond that I developed, or the memories. It's something that will always be with me.
Soooooooo I need to go out and make friends and start NEW relationships with people. I think that I may join an indoor soccer league up here, however I'm putting the word out that I am available to be set up should anyone feel they would like to introduce me to people hint hint. I'm trying to find distractions to keep my mind off of the hurt and pain I feel while time heals my wounds. I'll move on and become a stronger person, there's no way I can't!
So once again thank you to my family for their support, and to my girlfriends for showing me an amazing time this weekend. You guys really are so awesome!

CARPE DIEM!!