Want to know a little secret to help keep your stress and disappointment down? Learn when to let go. Learn when to experience something in the moment, and to let go when it no longer serves you. This not only applies to situations, but to people. It's taken me years to really believe how true this statement is, but to see how much more it is as well. Constant let downs, lessons learned, and time. Want to know the other part of this secret I just discovered? There are some of those in our lives that we can count on for support, while we learn who to invest less energy into. There are those true people who love so deeply and unselfishly that you can't help but feel like the luckiest person alive to have those people in your life. I am truly fortunate, as I have a few of these types of people in my life. I have struggled in the past with control. I've labeled myself a control freak. In high school I never had a single "tardy" and had a meltdown when I got less than an A (it only happened twice in my whole school career!) I began learning that my control need came from me wanting justification and notice from those around me. It didn't come from within. I didn't really care about doing those things for myself, I cared about how others would perceive me. Well ya know another BIG secret? I don't really care what others opinions of me are. This is something I've had to learn in order to just survive life. Of course I like to hear constructive criticism of how others perceive me, but I don't let that criticism effect how I feel about myself. So what if someone thinks that I'm "immodest" or a "hippy", because you know what? Those are two wonderful things that make me, me. They're perceived by someone without enough of an open mind to accept and love those around them, and it's really their loss if they choose to not get to know me because of a tattoo, a nose piercing, or the lack of sleeves on my shirt. Now I have been trying to find a BALANCE between being true to myself, and being respectful of those around me. I mean, heavens, if I could be a Luna Lovegood, I would. However, I feel I'm not quite that ballsy, deep down I will have a people pleasing tendency inside of me. So here's how I've been trying to achieve respecting others while being true to myself: I purposefully try to push down traits inside of me, both physical traits and personality traits. I get it, I may be a little loud to people. I have language that I feel suites me, and no, just because I occasional use "vulgar" language to some, that in no way speaks of my intelligence. Sometimes, the f-bomb is definitely needed. I understand this is offensive to some, and so I CHANGE myself to be around people. I don't curse (or try not to) around those I know are LDS, or people I respect (co-workers, elderly, etc) but catch me around my friends, and you'll hear a few f-bombs and other colorful language dropped. Another example of changing myself for those around me is I try to dress modestly around those I feel are sensitive to it, purely out of respect. I have an adorable dress that has thin straps on it, that I absolutely love. It's my favorite dress, but would be considered immodest in the Mormon community. In the spring/fall, I wear a sweater over it. In the middle of summer, I went to a baby blessing to support my dear friend and her gorgeous new child. I wore my dress, along with the sweater (in July). It was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, and my friends (who are beyond supportive and loving of me) asked why in the heck I'd wear a sweater in the summer. I explained it was out of respect because I didn't want people to see my bare shoulders, or see my tattoos. Well, as they thought, I should be comfortable, people would understand. So after the meeting, at the open house, I took the sweater off. I haven't felt that uncomfortable in a long long time. It wasn't my friends, but those around me, whose eyes I could feel scanning my tattoos, and heaven forbid, bare shoulders. I politely put the sweater back on, and tried to not focus on that. But, it hurt slightly that I was all of the sudden disrespected and judged because of something on my skin. That taught me a very important lesson, that sometimes I really have got to be uncomfortable with myself in order to avoid MORE uncomfortableness given by others. Should I have let their looks and raised eyebrows effect how I felt? No. But I did. It didn't change how I felt about myself, it just changed how I'd like to present myself to others. Wow, this has quickly become a tangent.
Back to lowering expectations of others: I am an optimist of the truest optimistic order. However, I have learned that sometimes in order to deal with life, being a realist for just a moment is how to get that accomplished. I accept that I can't control others. I accept that others will let me down. However I can control how I feel about it when they do let me down. I control how much energy I invest into counting on a person. I control how much energy I invest into that relationship. I have been learning to live my life for me. Which can be VERY difficult coming from a culture religion where you were raised to meet the standards of so many other people, and try to convince yourself that they're your own. I don't give a fuck if I am judged for my tattoos. I could not care less if someone thinks I'm immodest and living in "sin". I know for a fact that, due to my beliefs, I am a wonderful person who is trying her very best to effect those around her positively, and to create a life that is worthy of saying "I gave it all, and I'm proud for living". So while you may not agree with my life choices, all I ask is for the same respect that I give to you. Wow, another tangent, can you tell that something upset me yesterday? It gets rather frustrating never feeling good enough for some people who should play a large role (whose role keeps getting smaller and smaller) in your life. So I'm learning how to lower my own expectations of someone in my life. Which is frustrating. But I'm learning that there are others who I can actually truly rely on to be there, for comfort, venting sessions, and to SHOW me how much they love me. My thoughts are all jumbled right now, as I'm still experiencing sadness at the realization that I have don't have a relationship with my mom. And she's obviously fine with that, so I should be as well. She is trying the best that she can, and who am I to judge her because she's not living up to my expectations of a mother. Lowering my expectations to be happy.
Tres Leches Cake
5 months ago