Contemplation's of a healing heart, part II

Well, in life there are heartbreaks.  There are let-downs.  There is sadness.  At this moment, I am focusing on a romantic heartbreak in particular.  I feel it's important to address my actual feelings, so I can release them and move on to continue to be the beautiful person I am.  I'm in the "mourning" stage of a break-up.  I miss him.  I miss him immensely.  I miss the future we were building together.  I miss the affection.  I miss the fun times we had.  I just miss him.  A break-up is particularly tricky because my life is now headed in a completely different direction from where it was just a few weeks ago.  I'm convincing myself that is not a bad thing, it's just a different thing.  My goals are changing slightly, the path I'm on is changing, and I'm trying to see that things can really only go up from here.  But it still sucks.  It still hurts.  I still cry.  I've decided that once I'm able to accept that it will hurt, and figure out what I've learned, and how it will make me a better person, that will point me in the right direction of my new path.  It does make it a tad easier to know that I tried my very hardest to make things work, I did my best, and I am proud of the effort I put into the relationship.  He isn't a bad person, I don't NOT love him, however the person he is right now simply is not the person I want.  It's hard to accept that.  It takes courage to let go of what we can't control.  I'm finding my legs shaky but trying to find that courage to just let go.  So, here is what I've learned so far, and I am quite sure I will continue to discover things about myself and how I acted in the relationship.
1. I still let my relationship rule my life.  I am not nearly as bad as I once was, however I still need to focus on keeping my passions and drive alive when I am in a relationship.  I understand that I can't truly be happy in a relationship if I'm not truly happy alone.  I have really got to find that balance between making myself happy, and contributing enough to a relationship.
2.  When things are "right", they just happen.  Force is not required.  Hard work IS required in building aspects of the relationship, but the love and respect just flows.
3.  I deserve to be picky, and I deserve to be completely happy and utterly intoxicated by the love I have for someone I'm in a relationship with.
4.  I am selfish, however not nearly as selfish as I was accused of being.  I am learning to love means putting other's needs before yourself sometimes, without expecting to benefit anything from them.... I'm working on that.
5. I want to be with someone that makes me FEEL like I want to be a better person, without constantly telling me I can be better, or telling me I'm not meeting their expectations.  I want that to naturally occur, I do NOT want to be force fed a "lesson" as punishments for the way I'm acting.  I want to be motivated to be a better person by example.
6. Complacency is something I need to get rid of completely.  It needs to be gone from my life.  I need to make goals that I achieve for MYSELF.  Not for others to see that I'm doing them, but to produce real self love and acceptance.
7. I am a beautiful person, who deserves the absolute best that life has to offer.  I deserve to be true to myself and be with someone who's happiness rubs off on me and we can just be happy together.
8. I do have some childish traits inside of me.  I like to be in control of situations.  Some people have a hard time of reading how I show my love.  I have a slight temper.  I am a bit selfish.  But you know what?  These are things that don't need to DEFINE me.  I am aware that they're traits I would like to work on, and I am working on them.  They're also traits that make me into the person I am.  I deserve someone who will love and accept me for who I am, and love me for who I can become, without force feeding that to me.  The only "expectations" I need to meet are ones I set for myself.
9. Sharing hobbies in a relationship is essential.  I need to be with someone that I can go out and play with.  Having separate hobbies is just as essential because there are many times when I need space, and "me" time... I feel that is healthy for a relationship.
10. I need to be with someone who has the same financial goals as myself, that is key in working together.
11.  I need someone I can communicate with clearly, openly, and who I can work with in improving my communication skills.  Someone who is patient, and loves me not to be loved back, but just because he loves me.  Someone who is level headed and not quick to anger.
12. I am a sucker for men who rock climb and snowboard (and that's just fine)
13. I need to not rush into a relationship or onto the next step in a relationship.  The "courting" stage is very important.  I don't tend to have as much respect and adoration for someone who just showed up in my life and so I go along with it because they seem to be great.  I need to slow down.  Get to know the person for who they are before I decide to devote myself to them.

I have become a much better person after being with Taylor for 9 months.  Part of that was directly because of him.  I am grateful for the chance to be with him, and to learn so much about myself and relationships.  I love him, and I will always love him, but I understand that not all relationships work, and it isn't for lack of love.  *le sigh*