When improvements can be seen

You know what's neat?  When you see improvements in yourself..... wanna know what's even neater?  When people around you notice them as well.  Almost a year ago I wrote about a blog about "Losing yourself in a relationship".  Oh boy did I struggle with it.  I struggled a lot.  (did you notice I said strugglED?) I did.  It's still a bit of a battle, however it comes so much more natural now.  I don't think about it.  It just happens.  Now it's good to do reality checks every now and then to make sure I'm still on that path.  I slip one foot off occasionally, my mind wanders, but I'm still on that path. It seems like with every past relationship/dating experience, when a guy is REALLY into me, I just completely lose myself.  It's easier to not lose myself when it's just dating and the dude is only showing slight signs he's into me.  But what happens when a fella I'm dating sends cute texts like "Miss ya" "you're amazing" "can't wait till tomorrow".... I usually buckle and I'm at the whim of said fella.  (I do love those texts btw).  So let's scoot back to present Amanda.  I'm learning.  Improving.  Growing.  Making mistakes, but getting back up.  I start dating a guy (a quite adorable guy might I add) who is REALLY into me.  He asks me out immediately.  Takes me for bubble tea (oh boy does he know how to win points), and we start texting quite a lot.  We're both pretty busy though, so it's hard to find time to see each other.  (Please notice that I say I'm busy, and I actually keep those plans and don't cancel to go see this boy- HUGE step for me).  But it works out for him to come see a movie between his studying and my activities.  Cuddling is nice-- but then the first kiss happens.... and it's awkward.  Not going to lie, it's really awkward because of the position we're in.  We'll have to do a re-do sometime.  (PS, we did a re-do, and it was great).  So then, life happens..... busy, busy life.  I'm climbing, working, and just plain busy.  He's busy with work, studying, school, AND running a ragnar (yeah, you heard it, he's active) We're still kinda constantly texting though when we can (adorable stuff like "how can someone be on my mind this much") He comes back from Ragnar (where he ran over like 13 miles in Zions and had 4 hours of sleep in two days) and what does that cute boy do?!  He picks up my ass, and my drunk friend's asses and takes us from Salt Lake up to Ogden (again, running on no sleep, and has a final the next day).  This dude's good.  I'm still keeping my schedule, not moving things around to see him- just seeing him when it works, and I make my way to his house to hang out while he studies.  I watch some documentaries on netflix (oh boy do I love those) while he reads in a book about some sort of computer software programming internet stuffs.  We're still doing our things, living our lives without being interrupted by a new person.  We're also a bit wrapped up in each other as well.  I didn't know it was possible to do both?  So week two:  I invite him over for a date (trampoline park and dinner), but me being miss social butterfly, I invited most of my friends as well (there goes the "date").  He's a trooper and not only is fine with everything, he has a blast (as do I).  So it's been about four dates now, in quite a few different types of environments (because I really want to get to know who he is)  I feel like I'm the exact same person I was before we dated.  I think about him (a lot) but I can also focus on everything else I have going on.  This has really never happened to me where I'm able to maintain that balance while still really liking (and being liked) someone.  I'm loving it.  This is how dating is SUPPOSED to be.  Taking things slow.... making sure you actually get to know the person before jumping into commitment.  It's nice.  I'm really loving being on the same page with someone, without having to say we're on the same page.  He's out in Mexico, celebrating his graduation (just graduated with his bachelors from the U), and I get to go camping with some of my favorite people ever.  I'm able to miss him, while not obsessing about it, and spending time keeping me busy.  (he misses me too, I've been getting little messages once a day about him missing me, etc etc-- gah I love it).
In summation, it is so fantastic to see that I can identify problems I have, grow, and become that person I want to be.  This is exactly how dating should be.  I'm happy with me, with who I am, and with what I'm doing in life.  I can always improve, and I realize that.  But it's good to see the hard work I put into improvement paying off.  I'm excited to get to know this boy better to see what other connections we have, and see where it may potentially go.  There's absolutely no need to rush a river, just let it flow and enjoy the experience.  If it's true and right- it will happen and won't need to be rushed.  But no matter what happens, I'm happy with me :)